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Alright, so Xpeng thinks they're gonna be rollin' out robotaxis in Guangzhou by 2026. And humanoid robots, too? Give me a break. It's like they're trying to build Skynet on a budget.
The "Turing" Test... For Suckers?
Four self-developed "Turing" AI chips, huh? Boasting 3,000 TOPS of in-car computing power? Sounds impressive, right? But let's be real—TOPs are just numbers. It's like horsepower. Doesn’t mean jack if the engine is a lemon. How well does this "vision-language-action (VLA)" model actually perform in real-world, chaotic Chinese traffic? I'm betting it's less Knight Rider, more bumper cars.
And Alibaba's getting in on this too, through AutoNavi and Amaps? Color me shocked. It's always the same players, isn't it? So, what's Alibaba's angle here? Are they genuinely interested in advancing autonomous driving, or is this just another data grab disguised as innovation?
Humanoid Robots: Tour Guides or Terminators?
He Xiaopeng says these humanoid robots will start as tour guides and sales assistants. Right. Because what I really need when I'm trying to buy a car is a creepy robot with customizable hairstyles trying to upsell me on floor mats.
Three Turing AI chips and a solid-state battery? Sounds expensive. I mean, ain't this the same company that’s supposed to be making affordable EVs? Where's the ROI on these things? More importantly, who asked for this?
Xpeng is developing a flying car product too? Seriously? It's like they're throwing darts at a board labeled "Future Tech" and just building whatever they land on. Focus, people, focus!
Tesla's Shadow Looms Large
Xpeng Co-President Brian Gu admitted that Tesla has done a better job at sharing its commercialization plans. Well, duh. Tesla's been yapping about robotaxis for years. Whether they actually deliver is another story, but at least they know how to work the hype machine.
Gu also said Xpeng's been developing some technology before Tesla, but hasn't been as vocal. So, they're admitting they're playing catch-up? That's not exactly a confidence booster. Maybe some of that computing power should be put towards marketing, offcourse.
Remember back in April 2024 when Gu said self-driving taxis wouldn’t be a significant business for at least five years? Now, suddenly, they're near the "inflection point." What changed? Did someone slip something into his coffee? Or are they just feeling the pressure to compete with Tesla and the other Chinese companies already in the robotaxi game, like Pony.ai and Baidu?
Xpeng wants to have two categories of robotaxis: commercial shared vehicles and personal autonomous cars for family sharing. Translation: They want to cover all their bases, just in case one idea tanks. Smart, maybe. Inspiring? Not so much.
Just Another Brick in the Dystopian Wall
Look, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe Xpeng will pull this off. Maybe robotaxis and humanoid robots will revolutionize our lives. But honestly... I doubt it. It all feels like a desperate attempt to be the "next Tesla" without understanding what made Tesla, well, Tesla. It's not just about the tech; it's about the vision, the charisma, the cult of personality. And Xpeng? They just seem... bland. According to Chinese EV maker Xpeng to launch robotaxis, humanoid robots with self-developed AI chips - CNBC, the company plans to launch these initiatives by 2026.
So, What's the Point?
The point is, Xpeng's chasing shiny objects while the fundamentals are still shaky. They're promising a Jetsons future when they haven't even mastered the Model T. And honestly, I'm not sure I want that Jetsons future anyway. Less robotaxis, more affordable housing, please.
